LOVE AND RELATIONSHIP ANGLE

I received this from a friend and feel the message is appropriate to share for the day.

A crow lived in the forest and was absolutely satisfied in life. But one day he saw a swan. “This swan is so white,” he thought, “and I am so black. This swan must be the happiest bird in the world.”
He expressed his thoughts to the swan. “Actually,” the swan replied, “I was feeling that I was the happiest bird around until I saw a parrot, which has two colors. I now think the parrot is the happiest bird in creation.” The crow then approached the parrot. The parrot explained, “I lived a very happy life until I saw a peacock. I have only two colors, but the peacock has multiple colors.”
The crow then visited a peacock in the zoo and saw that hundreds of people had gathered to see him. After the people had left, the crow approached the peacock. “Dear peacock,” the crow said, “you are so beautiful. Every day thousands of people come to see you. When people see me, they immediately shoo me away. I think you are the happiest bird on the planet.”

The peacock replied, “I always thought that I was the most beautiful and happy bird on the planet. But because of my beauty, I am entrapped in this zoo. I have examined the zoo very carefully, and I have realized that the crow is the only bird not kept in a cage. So for past few days I have been thinking that if I were a crow, I could happily roam everywhere.”
   
That’s our problem too. We make unnecessary comparison with others and become sad. We don’t value what God has given us.  This all leads to the vicious cycle of unhappiness.  Learn to be happy and appreciative with what you have instead of looking at what you don’t have.   There will always be someone who will have more or less than you have.  A person who is satisfied with what he/she has, is the happiest person in the world.

What is Domestic Violence?

Could You Be In Danger?

I recently sat down with a young husband in my office and he began to tell me a story about how he had been caught by his wife after he’d had some very inappropriate and sexually explicit text message exchanges with a woman at his workplace. His wife had sensed something was going on, because he has been subconsciously pulling away from his wife emotionally and physically as he was giving more and more thought to this other woman.
In this particular instance, no physical/sexual lines were crossed before the emotional affair came to light, but even still, great damage had already been done to the marriage. Like so many couples, they have found themselves in a place they never expected to be and now they’re starting the process of rebuilding trust and trying to restore their relationship.
My conversation with him got me thinking about the mistakes people commonly make which can often lead to adultery. Below I’m going to list out five warning signs I’ve seen often. These aren’t specifically related to an inappropriate relationship with someone that could lead to adultery, BUT these actions seem to create a mindset in your marriage where adultery is much more likely to happen.

Five bad habits that can lead to infidelity (in no particular order):

1. Criticising your spouse in public, in private or online.
Criticism, nagging, or constantly “correcting” your spouse can make both you and your spouse more vulnerable to an affair. When you look at your spouse with a critical eye, you’re more likely to have your eyes open to someone else and your spouse is more likely to be drawn in by someone who will compliment them instead of criticising. If there’s a climate of criticism in your marriage, take immediate action to change it.

2. Lack of physical affection.
If you and your spouse aren’t hugging, kissing, holding hands, etc., that’s a big warning sign. Frequent sexual intimacy is obviously important as well, but these smaller acts of everyday physical touch are so important to the physical and emotional connectedness that keep a husband and wife bonded. If your marriage is lacking in this area, start initiating physical contact. If your spouse doesn’t receive your advances with warmth, start conversations about the reasons why there’s a disconnect.

3. Surrounding yourself with friends who don’t know (or don’t like) your spouse.
I’m convinced that one of the biggest factors that lead people into affairs is the friends they choose to hang around. This might sound surprising to you, but I’ve seen it play out over and over. In most (not all) cases of adultery, the spouse who had the affair had also been spending time with friends or co-workers who don’t encourage marital faithfulness. Surround yourself with friends who strengthen your character and remove yourself from those who attempt to compromise your character.

4. Believing your way is always the right way or the only way.
When you start disrespecting your spouse by belittling his/her viewpoints, you’re opening the door for infidelity. Show mutual respect at all times. Respect and thoughtfulness aren’t just good tools for preventing adultery; they vital to health in every part of your marriage.

 5. Keeping secrets from your spouse.
Secrecy is the enemy of intimacy. The moment you start deleting text messages, hiding things or doing anything you hope your spouse doesn’t find out about, you’re already way out of line! If you want your marriage to thrive and be protected from adultery, make the “Secret-Free Guarantee.” Never keep secrets and never tell lies to your spouse. Full and transparent honesty is the only way a marriage can work.

This is just a shocking and horrible experience. Marriage is meant to be enjoyed and celebrated.  Story is very lengthy but worth sharing. 

This touching letter was written by Ireland-based Nigerian, late Mrs. Omodolapo Yetunde Jagha(Nee Olotu) also known as Dolapo GoodGod who was buried in Ireland few weeks ago. I read it and felt it will be wrong of me not to share it with my friends.



I bid you farewell…

I am grateful to God that I will rest in His bosom and I am more grateful because I have always wanted this opportunity to speak my mind even unto death. I guess you are surprised that even the dead can air an opinion; in my case I really wanted to because I knew that God was preparing a place for me and that is where I will be. 

Do not weep for so long because I found eternal peace in Him. The very peace that has eroded me in about twelve years of my God given years (at the time of this writing I am forty-one years of age and I have been married for twelve years).

This is my story………

I am Yetunde nee Olotu as I am fondly called by my immediate family in Nigeria but here I am being referred to as Omodolapo Jagha as named by the love of my life. Now, I am Dolapo GoodGod , the surname I adopted when I realized that I no longer have a husband who will be there for me. The very man I should expect to be the Master of ceremony at my burial, the man you think would miss my departure the most but unfortunately not. I believe my estranged husband is glad that he is now free from the bondage called marriage.

Noble Jagha, I hope you feel so happy now that your prophesy to Maryam Hassan and other girlfriends of yours that I will soon die so you can marry them is now fulfilled. The truth is that my body may be dead but my hope of glory in heaven is constant as God lives. I may not be here again but I am so sure you will never find anyone to love you the way I did.

You were my first love, the very man who deflowered me but turned his back on me years after that I was not good on bed (not sexy enough for you), I was not good at cooking but I managed to learn and cook your local meal of Starch and Banga. He said, "I was so paranoid" because I complained that you are only comfortable making phone calls in the car and returning home at midnight.

You finally abandoned me and the children in December, 2012 after all the mental and physical abuse I suffered from you. You could not face the wrath of law as I got a safety and protection order against you because I was afraid that you would eventually take my life. While you lived with us, you were of no use, as you were not readily available to do your matrimonial and fatherly duties. 

How painful it was to take the twins to school walking all the way from Ongar to Little Pace, sometimes after getting a chemo. Even when I pleaded with you to look after the kids when I have appointments at the hospital you refused. Thank God for the Irish government (HSE) that provided me with home help (Margaret), my cousin, grandma Odelade, Sola and S. Bimbo (my wonderful sisters in church), my friend, confidant (Gbemi) who stuck to me like a sister, she is known in all our kids' school as their guardian because you were not there.

You found solace in your numerous, "your attraction" as you referred to the choir leader and probably your new sizzling romance Sheila Luxembor whom you kept my kids with without my consent. I hope she told you I rang her and made peace with her when I did no wrong (Yeah, I did this to secure my heaven). Hhhhmmmm..the Lord is my strength.

Oti, how do you feel after physically and mentally tormenting me? You can now be happy that "the living corpse" (as you often referred to me) in your home has finally gone to be with God. You no longer have to hit me or pounce on me anymore.

In death I have forgiving you because I loved you but I hope you are able to forgive yourself…….? I cannot forget in a minute how I felt so let down that I took to my heels and sought refuge in that sister's place and later on at the women's refuge. I am sure your defense is that I died as a cancer patient but I believe I could live a day longer if you were there for me…… I went through the pains of Cancer lonely! Rather than supporting, you rejected me.

Isn't marriage meant to be for better or for worse.….? I hope when I remember how childish you were for taking the boot you bought for me and returning the wrist watch I bought for you I can peacefully sigh a relief for leaving this cruel world.

You were so mean to me! Oti, you were really mean to Emmanuella too. How could you ill-treat your own children because they are girls? I have all the horrible text messages you sent to me documented; psychologically you killed me before my death.

Pastor Jagha, a man of God! The church has failed in their duty to help you from fallen, they have pampered you for doing wrong in order to save their face and invariably they have failed me. Church is meant for sinners irrespective of their position and as such no one should be above chastising.

I hope after my demise our father in the Lord would have enough evidence to correct the wrong of my beloved husband. No wonder my so-called husband was able to trick the church who also lured me to take off the safety and protection order and stop me from getting a separation that I so long for.

On my dying bed I made copies of telephone bills showing his immoral communication with a worker in the church at Athlone but there was still no sufficient evidence.

The church that should be a place of refuge became a place of torment for me. I hope you can also enjoy your new relationship with Sheila, I learnt you told some of your church members that I asked her to look after my kids because I was sick in the hospital whereas she keeps malice with me just because of your sex romp with her. Oti, you left my children at home for two days and went to sleep with your girl friend in Athlone. You also asked my under-aged children to travel on bus to Athlone by themselves while I was on the hospital bed. I loved you but you failed me and you know it.

The bitter pill that I have to swallow is the fact that I can no longer be there for my lovely girls .Their beloved father despised them so because I could not make a male child (you claimed that I was unable to have a boy child because I did not drink from the anointing oil which you asked me to drink and that makes you detest me too). I am deeply sorry that I did not drink it; maybe that would have spared me of some lashes. 

Our lovely first daughter at age twelve said, "Mummy I don't think I will get married" This is as a result of the abuse that my child suffered from our marriage. If you are a loved one and you know my daughter, please help me say to her that marriage is to be enjoyed and not endured. I want her to be married and make me proud!

Oti, why do you always run away from your problems rather than resolving them? You left Nigeria because of your involvement in fraud at the bank which you never resolved. As I speak you owe my mother a sum of one million, two hundred thousand naira which you have no plan to repay. How come you had issues even with your own sibling in the U.K to such an extent that you poisoned her? That is the more reason why I was so scared for my life. 

You are such a difficult person, the community welfare officer , our GP, Olive at Hartstown , the Child protection unit at Finglas and our father in the Lord tried their best to advise you to no avail. You were not ready to make me happy.

Noble Jagha, you wanted me dead as soon as possible. I still wonder why you refused to come with me for separation times and again when I asked that we should part ways. I know your intent may be to make gains from my years of labour at Anpost. I worked so hard to pay the rent, to feed us and even paid some of your fees to pursue your MBA.

Despite all my effort you were never satisfied, even on my sick bed you demanded for money. I hope you are happy that you have them all and you can feed your numerous girlfriends with them. 

I plead with you and I besiege all that reads this to appeal to you that you do the following after my demise which is of utmost importance (I hope you will heed advice for once).

1. That you may put in trust/fixed deposit for my daughters all monies raised from my burial and benefits from my workplace having paid all expenses incurred and other personal loan taking from my friends during my period of illness. My daughters need to know I care for them even in my grave.

2. That, I have a will in which I have named the executors to my will and joint custodians of our children. The lawyer will keep you posted in due course, please adhere!

3. Oti you can also pay any money that you owe from the monies before the account is opened.

4. Kindly pay my mother the money you owe her too before the account is fixed.

5. I want my mother to be a part of my children's life, please don't deprive her.

6. Oti make peace with my family and friends (stop making enemies out of the people that helps me).

Oti, it may surprise you but I have to let you know that I have the password to your facebook account and email accounts! How come I am not on your friend list? Why did you also refuse to tell me the cause of your mother's death? I know she died of cancer! Hmmmm

Oti does not love me; he could not stay with me in sickness despite the fact that I loved him more than my children. Hhmmmm

I hope my mother can forgive me for not heeding her advice in respect of my choice of marriage and I pray that God gives her and my father the fortitude to bear this irreparable lost. 

It is too late to cry when the head is off.

Thank you for not leaving me alone in my time of troubles and needs my sisters, thank you sister for going to Olive's school, please follow up with Emmanuel as planned, I don't want my children to suffer. I am so worried. I am tired. I don't want you people to go, don't leave me alone. I want someone to sleep here with me tonight.

Signed.

Omodolapo GoodGod

May God help us oh

BE HUMBLED BY THIS:-

A seed grows with no sound, but a tree falls with huge noise… Destruction has noise, but creation is silent. In your success remain silent as there is power in silence. Grow Silently! 
Cultivate Silence


A farmer discovered that he had lost his watch in the barn. It was no ordinary watch because it had sentimental value for him. 
After searching high and low among the hay for a long while; he gave up and enlisted the help of a group of children playing outside the barn. He promised them that the person who found it would be rewarded. 
Hearing this, the children hurried inside the barn, went through and around the entire stack of hay but still could not find the watch.
Just when the farmer was about to give up looking for his watch, a little boy went up to him and asked to be given another chance. 

The farmer looked at him and thought, “Why not? After all, this kid looks sincere enough.” So the farmer sent the little boy back in the barn. 
After a while the little boy came out with the watch in his hand! The farmer was both happy and surprised and so he asked the boy how he succeeded where the rest had failed.
The boy replied, “I did nothing but sat on the ground and listened. In the silence, I heard the ticking of the watch and just looked for it in that direction.”

A peaceful mind can reason better than a worked up mind.


Sometimes the noise in our lives are so much with no clarity on what to do. The mind seems so occupied with lots of thoughts that promotes fear, discouragement & anxiety. 


Let peace guard your heart this YEAR. 

Consciously clear your head and mind. 

Be sure that somebody somewhere cares......Remain blessed!

There are some simple and basic truth we need to know in life to help us understand what life is all about. Read on please:

A true story of a father who learned the hard way of how important his relationship to his children was. This father was a bright, innovative young EXECUTIVE who quickly climbed the corporate ladder of SUCCESS. He, along with his wife and two boys, lived in a nice suburban neighborhood just across from a beautiful park.

His children, one Saturday morning came bursting into his BEDROOM, “Dad let’s build a FORT in the park.” The father said, “I’m sorry sons. I can’t today, I’ve got some things I have to do at the OFFICE.” Both of the boys had a very disappointing look on their faces. “Next Saturday,” the father promised, “we’ll BUILD a FORT.”

The next Saturday they burst into his BEDROOM again. This time they’re not taking any chances—they come bringing boards, nails, and hammers. “Dad! Dad, wake up! You promised that you would help us build a FORT today in the park.” The young father said, “Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot all about it!” Seeing the DISAPPOINTMENT on their faces again he says, “I tell you what I’m going to do. I’m going to get on the PHONE and in your hearing, I’m going to take next Saturday off. I just can’t get away today.” “Okay, Dad,” the boys said understandably. (KIDS ARE SO FORGIVING, AREN’T THEY?)

Next Saturday comes, and the father and two boys are sitting around the table eating breakfast. The boys are EXCITED, bouncing back and forth singing, “We’re going to built a FORT. Dad’s going to help us BUILD a FORT.” As they start out the DOOR, the phone rings. SILENCE! You can hear a pin drop. WHAT IS DAD GOING TO DO? Dad goes over and answers the phone. He doesn’t have to say anything to the boys. They can tell by his expression that it’s the BOSS.

“John, I need you to come in this morning. You are the only one who can close this DEAL.” He looks at his sons carrying their boards and hammers and thinks to himself, “Well, I guess it’s either a CHOICE between my JOB and my KIDS.” Reluctantly he says, “Listen boys, I’ve got to go into work. I’ve got something I need . . .” 

“No, Dad! No! You promised.” 

“I’ve got to go in just a little while. You start the FORT without me, and I’ll be back very soon to help you FINISH it.” The father got into his car and DROVE away.

The youngest son started across the street carrying his boards, hammer, and nails crying because his Dad BROKE his promise again. Blinded by the tears, he doesn’t see the oncoming CAR, walks out in front of it and is struck KILLING him instantly.

Three days later the young father is at the FUNERAL of his little boy. He looks out over the audience and sees his BOSS and all of his male COLLEAGUES. And he realizes the IRONY of it all; what the CHOICE he made COST him. He begins to CRY. He then stands and speaking through the TEARS he says for all to hear, “Men, if I can leave you one piece of ADVICE this morning, it will be this: BUILD THE FORT TODAY, FATHERS. PLEASE, BUILD THE FORT TODAY!”

IMPATIENCE has been around for a long time. There is nothing new about people losing their patience while stuck in traffic or waiting in line. But some experts believe that people are less patient today than in the past—and for reasons that might surprise you.
Some analysts suggest that in recent years many people are less patient now because of technology. Researchers suggest that “digital technology, ranging  from cell phones to iPods to etc, is changing our lives. The instant results we get from this technology have in turn increased our appetite for instant gratification in other aspects of our lives.”

A psychologist makes some sobering observations. She explains that “we have become an immediate gratification culture, and we expect things to move quickly, efficiently and in the way we want; forgetting that time moves with the speed of time not by our expectation. And when that doesn’t happen, we tend to become increasingly frustrated and irritable, which is a sign of impatience.” She adds, “We’ve lost the art of just slowing down and enjoying the moment.”
Many people do not take the time to proof read what they put in writing. As a result, letters and e-mails go out to the wrong recipients or contain numerous grammatical and typographical errors.
Many people do not have the patience to read lengthy text on a printed page because they are accustomed to navigating speedily through Web pages, jumping from blurb to blurb and from bullet to bullet, hoping to land on the main point as quickly as possible.
The thirst for immediate results is not limited to the realm of digital communication. People seem to be losing their ability to wait in other areas of life. For instance, for some, waiting for a traffic light to change, or for a computer to boot up may seem like an eternity.

WITH the increased rate of sex-related music, movies, advertisements and even sermons, it may become quite difficult to maintain a no-sex relationship, especially for young would be couples, who feel left out in a world that seems to condone sex, and its attendant consequences.